Does anyone remember the post I did a few months back about the 5 life lessons I learnt from The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck? Basically this is a series I have started of 5 life lessons I learnt from different self help books. Since battling anxiety and depression I have resorted to self help books, and I can honestly say they are better than any medication I have had. With each chapter and each book I learn something different. My mind is constantly opened up to a new realm of how this whole 'life' thing actually works (who am I kidding, no one knows how it works, we are all simply thrown in the deep end pretending we know what we are doing. But you know what I mean).
1. Self Perception is a Zoo
Have you ever noticed that when someone you admire achieves something, and does something phenomenal, you're happy for them, but you're not surprised? Of course they did something phenomenal, they're a phenomenal person! Yet getting yourself to see how amazing you are is like trying to find that pair of shoes you loved, but haven't seen in years (you actually threw them out). Impossible. Instead, try looking at yourself from someone who admires you. They believe in your running around, and they certainly are not connected to your insecurities and negative beliefs about yourself. The only thing they see is you in all your glory and true potential. They were not surprised you achieved that one thing you have been working towards for years, they were not surprised. That person believed in you so much that they actually expected it to happen. For example getting 4,000 subscribers on Youtube was a HUGE deal to me, because that is a lot of people, and I just never thought of myself as an awfully likeable person (oh jeez. How depressing.), but someone else may be sat there thinking I'm not surprised she got 4,000 subscribers, she makes amazing videos, she deserves more (just to clarify, this girl never thought she would get 50 subscribers let alone 4,000) Could you imagine what amazing things you could do if you believed in yourself as much as they believe in you?
2. Your Happiness Cannot Rely On Someone Else
Omg they liked my photo! Im so happy! | I cant believe you invited me out, that makes me so happy! blah blah blah. You get the point. But those nuggets of happiness can just as easily be turned around; how come X likes everyones photos but mine? | Why doesn't anyone ever invite me anywhere? What I am saying is, putting the key to your happiness in someone else pocket is a rookie move. But we all do it. Im not saying you cannot be happy when someone says/does something that makes you happy, what I am saying is you cannot rely solely on other people to make you happy. As soon as you give someone else that power you are also giving them the power to control all your emotions. But how do you stop? We are all victims of this never ending cycle, myself included. Believe me, I am the worst when it comes to this, but there are things you can do. For a starter, take a step away from social media, and you life, and just look at it. What exactly is it you're doing? How can you change that? Do you need to take a step back? Do you need to distance yourself from a certain person? Maybe you need to find a new hobby that will make you happy. The best piece of advice I can give you is to find all the hobbies you love doing, and create your own unique self. This way you are fulfilling your own happiness, while allowing (a little) room for happiness provided by other people.
3. I Would Rather Be hated
It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not - Andre Gide
Now this one I have pretty much mastered. I am who I am. There are billions of people in this world. Not every single one of them will like you and that is okay, but I would rather the people that do like me, to like me for who I truly am. There is no use in pretending to be someone else, because people will like the fake you, you are pretending to be. Think of Mean Girls for example; Cady pretended to be a plastic to get insider information, and to help sabotage them. However she lost herself along the way, and instead of being like by everyone, she was hated. No one liked her, and no one knew who she really was, herself included. So next time you find yourself pretending to be someone else simply to be liked, stop yourself. There will be a day when every single person on this planet at this current time, right now, will no longer exist. In just 100 years or so, our generation will be replaced by another. However there will never be another you, so be you.
4. Every Act Is Selfish, Even Those Done With Selflessness
Does anyone remember the Friends episode where Phoebe tried to prove that there are selfless good deeds (S5 E4)? Joey was on TV answering phone calls for pledges, and Phoebe tried to prove her point by donating. She said she did not feel happy about it, because it supports a tv show (?) she doesn't like because her mother killed herself. However then they announce that Joey has received the most amount of donations due to Phoebes input, she then explains that it made her so happy that Joey was put on TV and did so well. It was then that she realized you really cannot do something for someone else without personal gain. In this instance her personal gain was happiness. It made her happy to do something for someone else, without receiving anything back. Even the smallest things done solely for someone else are selfish, because it gives you happiness in return. In other words go and treat yourself, because if everything you do is selfish, why not? ;)
5. Fear Is For Suckers
We tiptoe through life hoping to safely make it to death - Unknown
I absolutely love this quote because it motivates me to live my life. You never know when your last day on Earth will be. For all you know it could be tomorrow. Anxiety holds me back in life and stops me actually living it, but depression makes me reckless because I no longer care. What a lovely combination amiright? In all truthfulness though, I have been a lot more reckless. And I have been bloody well enjoying it. Little steps at a time, but Im starting to realize what life is really all about. Your body is a canvas, scars show where you have been and what you have done, tattoos are pieces of art you loved so much you couldn't bare to live without it, freckles show those late nights you spent on the beach, and wrinkles show the laughter you have been through. Get that tattoo, climb that mountain, go to Mexico, laugh. Live. Life is too short to tiptoe your way safely to death.
Have you read You're A Badass? What are your best life lessons?
Hustle Hard Girl,
